


Human

by bungeelumi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alteration of the original story, Drama, Gen, I wrote crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29571594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bungeelumi/pseuds/bungeelumi
Summary: Where Hisoka discovers that Illumi was more human than he could have imagined.
Kudos: 5





	1. Crying in the bath

**Author's Note:**

> hello, here I am again
> 
> I don't have much to say about this fanfic here in the opening notes, so I just hope you like it <3
> 
> Here we have the main fanfic and a bonus chapter, which completes the story.
> 
> ps: as i originally write in portuguese, sometimes the translation of the characters' pronouns can get a little confusing with the language chang. these errors happen, and i fix it whenever i can.
> 
> Good reading!

A few days after the chimera ants exterminated

It was an inexplicably calm night in the Celestial Tower. It didn't seem the same place as hours ago, where all the contestants were thrilled with Hisoka's latest fights, he was like a celebrity there. I loved every second I spent in that tower ... and well, I had to have an occupation while hunting Chrollo.

As expected from those who were forced to learn how to take care of themselves on the streets, Hisoka was on the alert in his room, located on the highest floors of the Tower. It was possible to see much of the surroundings through the window, and the man with the pink hair divided his attention between making towers of cards taller and taller and watching the movement inside and outside the place. He vibrated with anxiety whenever he felt a stronger energy around, already wanting to fight against the person. He also remembered his fight with a floor master the next day, and tried to control that killer instinct that had his body in those moments. He missed Illumi on those hot, bloodthirsty nights.

Illumi… where would he be now? The last time they spoke, he told him about the disaster that happened after the battle against chimera ants, where countless people died - including President Netero. Killua was unable to stay with Gon when he went to fight one of the King's guards, and the worst happened. Hisoka thought it was a waste that young Freecs had reached a critical state because of that… he didn't know the whole story, but he still found it a waste. From what Illumi told him, the mood had become even heavier when Silva himself interfered and forcibly kept Killua in the mansion. "I have my problems but this family is insane ... they scare me", he thought, while taking another look out the window. He felt his skin prickle suddenly as his senses sharpened more than usual, watching for any strange movements.

Hisoka was looking so intently at the street that he almost didn't feel that aura that was as strong as his and equally homicidal, which would make even the Zodiacs afraid if that were the case. It could only be Illumi around because no one else had an aura like that, which exuded darkness and violence.

He had been forced out of his daydreams when he heard a soft knock on the door. At first he suspected all that calm, but approached the entrance to the room slowly and carefully, the guard was higher than ever. The closer he got to the door the more he felt all the hairs on his body stand on end and he didn't like the feeling. It wasn't fear because it wouldn't scare him, he had seen and felt much worse. But still…

He decided to get it over with at once and opened the door quickly, his eyes widening at what he saw: Illumi was there in front of him, his face and arms covered in blood. His clothes were a little ripped, his hair was stuck to his face and very tousled - he didn't even look the same person. His gaze was still cold and dark, but there was something different.

He was in an outbreak.

\- Illumi…?  
\- Hisoka… I-I… - He spoke, entering the room. Illumi was really in shock at the same time that adrenaline was overflowing - I killed my family… I killed them… almost everyone… my family… I… almost all of them… I…  
\- Hey - He touched Illumi's arm with the tips of his fingers, and saw him suddenly shut up - First try to breathe more slowly ... that ... breathes.  
\- I'm a murderer ... I ... I ...

"We are both murderers, my dear. There is not much difference between us", he thought, while trying to deal with it in the best possible way for himself. How was a person comforted? Or rather, how to do this with a murderer who turned against his family? He took a deep breath before saying anything, fearing that Illumi would try to kill him too.

\- Go clean up before you do anything else - Hisoka put his hand on Illumi's back, soon noticing that even his body was numb. It was the first time she had touched him, and he shivered again at that. Illumi was freezing.

Hisoka guided his visitor to the bathroom and planned to leave him there, but realized that he was standing in front of the mirror touching his own face. He hardly blinked and his breathing was very slow, he looked like the living dead. How long had he been asleep?

He gave a heavy sigh before rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, and then he went into the bathroom too. Hisoka touched his shoulders very lightly, still fearing an aggressive reflex, but Illumi barely moved. Hisoka turned him slowly to face him, and Illumi raised her head a little to face him, still with teary eyes. His body trembled and more and more he showed how exhausted he was. "Well, time to clean up this mess," he thought.

Hisoka undressed him with all the calm in the world, still not believing that it was happening. Gradually everything was on the floor: vest, pants, tank top. His clothes smelled of blood and death, a smell that was already familiar to both but still had something different. Illumi's body was paler than normal, somewhat thinner and scratched… it was scary. He had never shown vulnerability.

After his clothes were taken off, Illumi was taken to the shower by his… colleague. He would never dare to say that they were friends, even there in that situation. A murderer doesn't need friends, that's what he always repeated to himself. But sometimes he wondered if that was fair…. He never made ties with anyone and looks where he ended up, in shock and practically being bathed by someone else. Pathetic!

Illumi sat in the stall slowly while feeling the warm water fall. The scratches stung and now he let the tears come out, crying softly for a few minutes without caring about Hisoka nearby, who was watching him curled up more and more in the corner of the wall.

\- Leave me alone. - He asked.  
\- I don't mind helping you ... seriously ...  
\- I don't need you to wash me ...! - Shouted, scaring Hisoka - Just… I just want to be alone… - He lowered his voice.  
Hisoka sighed - Okay ... I'll be in the room if you need me ...

After leaving Illumi in the bathroom, he looked for some clothes that would fit him - he thanked them for having almost the same body type, that made everything easier. He left his clothes on the bathroom door and stayed there for a few moments. Hisoka could hear the falling water and Illumi's loud crying, even though he tried to hold on. Perhaps everything he had suppressed since he was two years old was coming to the fore.

What level has the Zoldyck family reached?

Illumi came out of the bathroom half an hour later, already dressed and with dry hair. Now he could think more clearly about what had happened, and he cursed himself for all that show of weakness he had shown earlier. But at the same time he felt something different in his chest, almost like gratitude. He struggled to appear apathetic and entered the room, watching Hisoka leaf through a magazine. He didn't have to say a word because he already knew he was there.

\- It's better?  
\- Yes - He sat on the other sofa, far away. Illumi could not stand contact anymore.  
\- Will you tell me what happened? I'm dying of curiosity, of course - He laughed - But I was also shocked to see you like that and ...  
\- Don't say that word - Illumi cut him off.  
\- Which?  
\- Dying ... - He murmured - Death ...

Seeing the earlier scene repeat, Hisoka got up from where he was and sat next to Illumi, who moved away instinctively, but soon relaxed a little. He was exhausted and couldn't even stand up anymore. He returned the other's stare with his classic apathetic look, but he used an extraordinary force to stop the crying.

\- You don't have to hold on… I saw you cry anyway.  
\- I do not want to cry anymore. What's done is done.  
\- What exactly is done?  
\- You don't want to know. He's just curious.  
\- You got it right - Lied. Hisoka was really concerned. - But I want to know what happened to make you that way. I'm still in shock.

Illumi took the longest and heaviest breath of his life. He decided to tell the clown what had happened, but first he needed to organize his thoughts because some memories from two days ago were still a blur in his mind. He huddled on the couch to keep his distance and tried to look anywhere but towards those golden eyes. Hisoka looked like an owl stalking prey, either with himself or even with Gon.

\- I told you what happened about the ants, right?  
\- Yes, but I don't remember everything ...  
\- Tsk - muttered - While you were hunting Chrollo, the Association was trying to solve the problem of chimera ants, which had already become half human and even learned nen!  
\- Oh ... what a problem ...  
\- Killua accompanied Gon in the formation created to detain the king and his guards. As you well know, Gon fought against an ant called Neferpitou and was in critical condition due to the restriction he established to obtain an extraordinary power. Killua returned home, wanted to get Alluka to use his power. Killua wanted to heal Gon.  
\- Power…?  
\- We already talked about this. The desires, the deat — consequences.  
\- Ah yes. Continues.  
\- My father did not allow him to take Alluka from where he was, and Killua was very angry. I already knew that he had found out about the needle in his forehead, but I forgot about that for a few minutes. He tried to electrocute our father, getting him to level five of restriction.  
\- And that level would be ...?  
\- Killua was trapped in the mansion's dungeons after trying to escape from my grandfather, that's what happens on level five. - Sighed - Well, one day the news comes that Gon did not resist.  
\- He what…? - Hisoka was in shock.  
\- You and your obsession with this boy are unpleasant - He looked disgusted - But anyway: sadistic the way he always was, Milluki made sure to go down in the dungeon and tell Kill while he beat him. I couldn't bear to hear that, he screamed in pain ... not because of the torture, but because of the loss.

Hisoka decided to remain silent because of the shock. Of course, he still didn't believe that Gon had died - it seemed too absurd to be true! He hated it when some of his targets died without being at his hands. As shocking as the news was, it strangely focused more on the state of Illumi.

\- I couldn't take it anymore ... Kalluto with practically suicide missions, Alluka crying in the corners of that underground room ... while Milluki punished Killua I had to keep an eye on Alluka, who knew I was there. He asked to leave, he wanted to see the sunlight again… - He paused - I reached my limit when I suggested to mother to let Killua out of the dungeon, just for a few minutes, if Killua asked… she slapped me and said that he was not ready.  
\- Speak as if you've never been beaten ...  
\- I have dealt with physical punishments since I was two years old, you know how my family's training is carried out…  
\- And then…?  
\- She had never beaten me out of training. I always suspected that my mother was of the style of manipulation, and that she had done something similar to what I did with Killua - He sighed, tilting his head back. I still wanted to look anywhere but in his eyes - Something broke with that slap. And then I lost control… I…  
\- You don't have to continue if you don't want to ... it was recent, and it hurts a lot. It's OK.  
\- I started and now I will finish! - He spoke loudly, getting up from the sofa.

Illumi felt nervous every time she got closer to telling what actually happened. The memories were mixed up from the moment he fled to the forest, and mixed with the sight of his three younger brothers seeing the other four dead on the ground. He recorded the shocked expression of two of them in his memory. Killua was calm, and that was disturbing even for him.

\- I attacked my mother, and she dodged the needles. My father joined the confrontation seeing that my demonic aura had appeared, but I was beside myself… in a few seconds my mother's shouting attracted the attention of Milluki and my grandfather, and everything got worse - A tear fell, but he didn't made a point of disguising - I took off my grandfather's head.  
\- Illumi… - Hisoka murmured. Was he feeling sad?  
\- I threw more needles with nen to hit my mother's vital points, and Milluki threw himself in the front being hit equally. I don't know how long it took, but they bled to death.  
\- And your father?  
\- I left him last. I don't know how it was possible but I took his head off too, I was beside myself. Ka-Kalluto saw everything… when I turned around there he was in the lobby.  
Illumi sat back on the couch, and now she was crying like a child. He was close enough to Hisoka, who put his arm around his back, bringing him closer to him. He had never seen anyone cry like that, it was agonizing.  
\- I sent Kalluto to release Killua and Alluka, and then I ran away to the forest. I stuck myself inside a dead tree and stayed there for two days, I couldn't get their voices out of my head - He raised his head to finally look at him - I can't sleep for two damn days, and-I'm exhausted! I… I… Hisoka…  
\- It's okay now - Pulled Illumi to hug him. Hisoka felt his body finally relax. - Ended.  
They stayed like that for a few minutes until Hisoka realized that he had fallen asleep (or passed out from exhaustion, he had no way of knowing). He arranged Illumi gently in his arms and placed him on the bed as slowly as possible, he needed to rest as soon as possible.  
Hisoka covered him with a sheet and sat beside him, finally meeting that Illumi with a serene expression while he slept. At that moment he looked like a child lost in his dreams, and he wished nightmares didn't come. Hisoka left a simple seal on his forehead, as a first-last act of affection between the two killers.

Hisoka did not appear in the fight the next day. Everyone wondered what had happened - including speculating that he was dead.

But what nobody knew was that Hisoka took care of Illumi's sleep until he woke up several hours later.

Hisoka took care of him after that too.

Illumi found that having emotions was not all bad as she only felt one thing in the days that followed: gratitude.


	2. Bonus: start over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " Just kids watching a horror scene, maybe the thousandth of their lives."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this chapter is more ... "light", writing it comforted me in a way.
> 
> Good reading!

News of the Zoldyck massacre spread quickly, reaching even the most isolated spots like Whale Island. Nobody could believe that Illumi turned against his family, but at the same time it was possible to think that one hour it would happen ... they were not a normal family!

It was a shocking and brutal event, but not everyone remembered the three youngest children. They still lived in the mansion, obviously under the care of butlers, but the little childhood that still remained in those bodies seemed to have evaporated.

Just kids watching a horror scene, maybe the thousandth of their lives.

Killua spent most of his time in his room since he left the dungeons. I couldn't look at the lobby without remembering that scene and the unbearable smell of blood, even though the place had already been cleaned. The boy had lost track of time ... how many days had passed? He felt hostage to his own memories and thoughts, and most of the day he felt lost. What should I do from now on?

He had minimal contact with Alluka and Kalluto because he didn't know what to say, he couldn't stand those two pairs of curious eyes in them. Even if they didn't say a word, he knew they expected an answer. That silence was not fair but it was a lot to process so I should think calmly.

And again he spent the afternoon in his room. He thought of a thousand things while lying in bed, looking at the ceiling ... and most of the time Gon occupied his mind. He wondered where he would be, if he would be in a better place, and if he had found Kaito in the afterlife.

\- Kill? - He heard Alluka's small voice behind the door and shuddered.  
\- What's it?  
\- I can enter? I mean… can we get in?

"Damn," he thought. He was not yet ready to talk to them, he feared being rude and making them worse than they already were, but part of him was screaming for him to take action soon. He avoided being impulsive - especially after what happened to Gon - but he decided to act.

\- You can come in.

Killua saw the two sisters enter the room in silence, as if they were very uncomfortable. Kalluto stayed close to the wardrobe, but Alluka sat with him on the bed. She laid her head on his lap and grabbed his hand in an attempt to get closer, and he had no choice but to allow it. He would never make her cry, not anymore.

\- Did something happen?  
\- What do you think? - Kalluto said. I could feel the anger in his voice.  
\- Sorry, I ... I'm not sure how to talk to you ... - Sighed - I don't want you to be bad.  
\- We are already bad. And this is all Illumi's fault!  
\- Yes it is! But he also got screwed as much as we do, don't forget that!  
\- It was no reason to ... to do that ... - Kalluto looked away, trying to hold back the crying.  
\- Illumi lost control, isn't that what happened?  
\- Yes. Mom was the trigger.  
\- It's so strange ... he always seemed so calm.  
\- People who seem so calm are the most dangerous. He took the only thing I had in this world, my mother!  
\- It was my family too! - Killua raised his voice - It's not just you who are freaking out!  
\- Only you are… - Alluka got involved - I don't even remember what they were like… I don't feel anything.  
\- Nanika? Is that you?  
\- No. It's me, Alluka.

Killua took a heavy breath. He struggled to deal with it all while gathering the courage to tell them what he had planned. Alluka would follow him wherever he went and that was a fact, but Kalluto was as closed as Illumi, which made her equally unpredictable. He decided to do the same thing as Gon on Greed Island: he bet on luck.

\- What do you want to do now?  
\- I have an idea, Kalluto. I just don't know if it will please you.  
\- So tell me.  
\- I-I have two friends ... they live in York Shin now ...  
\- AND?  
\- I thought of spending time with them. I can't take this house anymore, and I know you can't either.  
\- I'll go wherever you go, brother - Alluka said, taking his head off his lap. She sat in "Buddha pose" and started playing with her hair - I never want to be away again.  
\- I know - He stroked her face, while looking at Kalluto - What do you say?  
\- I will not go. They're your friends, but they're still strangers to me.  
\- Leorio and Kurapika are cool, trust me!  
\- No! And besides, my place is… with another group…  
\- With whom?  
\- With Ryodan.  
\- What? But how…? Why…? Kalluto! They are bad!  
\- We are too, we come from a family of murderers!  
\- How did you get to Ryodan?  
\- It's a job ... actually two. Dad wanted the leader killed for what happened in York Shin.  
\- Dad is not here anymore.  
\- But these two tasks are what hold me in this world since Illumi killed my mother! - Shouted.

Kalluto left the room in a hurry, such was his irritation. Alluka snuggled into the hug that Killua offered and spent some time wondering if she should say something. She didn't understand anything about that conversation, but she still didn't want to know. It was past, as were his lonely days in that room.

\- You come with me? - Killua broke the silence while stroking her head.  
\- Yes. I don't want to stay here either.

Two weeks later

Killua and Alluka were finally out of the damn mansion. Kalluto did not go to say goodbye, but not because he was angry. I mean, yes, I was angry and hated, but not for the brothers. The thing was just with Illumi and I didn't want to take it out on them anymore. Still, she was glad that Alluka passed a piece of paper under her bedroom door, which she realized was a small letter.

Kalluto,

We are not angry, I want you to understand that. I understand your reasons for not joining us, as well as having your own tasks to complete. We didn't have much time together, but I still consider you my sister and I ask you to take care, Ryodan is cruel.  
I left the address of my friends from York Shin with this letter, in case you want to visit us (I plan to stay there for a long time), and please keep in touch. We are what remains of the family to each other.  
And please, don't go after Illumi. I ask you just that.

Killua.

Killua didn't even believe that he had finally arrived at York Shin. Even though he was tired of the trip, he insisted on accompanying Alluka in every store he wanted to stop, marveling at his first impressions of the outside world. At the end of the visit in some stores he gave him some sweets and a diary.

They walked quickly down one of the busy city streets. Killua carefully watched the number of houses while Alluka watched the sky and the people around them. They stopped suddenly when the boy saw the number 68: a light green house with white windows, with a flower bed in the area. Very traditional, it didn't match Kurpika or Leorio… what was going on there?

\- Killua? - He heard Leorio scream. He was also in the garden.  
\- Killua? Where?  
\- There, Kura! In the street!

Killua took Alluka's hand and headed for the house, trying to control his nervousness. The girl realized how he was and left the grip on her hand tighter, trying to comfort him. She was also nervous, especially since she didn't know her brother's friends. Would they like your company?

\- Killua! - A short blonde ran to them with a smile on his face - Where have you been? We haven't heard from you in weeks!  
\- Really, where have you been? The taller man asked.  
\- I'll explain later ... it's a long story.  
\- We heard about what happened, we're sorry ...  
\- Thank you Leorio.  
\- Who is this little price? - The blonde changed the subject, wanting to lighten the mood.  
\- This is Alluka, my sister. - Killua laughed when he felt her hide behind him - She is shy.  
\- It's okay - Leorio smiled at her - Why don't we come in to talk? Yesterday we bought a very good cake.

Alluka did not leave Killua at any time, even when they went to the kitchen. She was watching her brother's friends closely, and had already recorded their names. His curious eyes went through every detail of the environment, it was so different from home ...

\- But what exactly happened? There are a lot of rumors going on and -  
\- Hey - Kurapika interrupted Leorio, pointing at Alluka discreetly - Let's take it easy.  
\- She also saw what happened, Kura. We came from a family of murderers ...  
\- Even so. I don't feel comfortable talking to her here - He looked at Alluka - Why don't you go to the living room? It has TV, some comics. You can go, feel free.  
\- Kill ...  
\- You can go - Killua smiled - Go. I'll be right there and be with you in a minute.

Kurapika sighed with relief when Alluka went to the living room, now it would be more comfortable. And contrary to what he imagined, Killua soon started talking about everything that happened. He explained what happened after the fight with the ants, the tension with his family (emphasizing the issue of Alluka and the requests, he wanted to avoid problems) and finally the outbreak of Illumi. Leorio and Kurapika listened carefully, comforting their friend when necessary.

But Killua was curious to see them hand in hand.

\- I'm sorry that all this happened - Kurapika started - I'm sorry for Gon. You two can stay here as long as you want ok?  
\- OK…  
\- Didn't you have another sister? - Leorio asked.  
\- Yes, but she ... she's with ... Ryodan ...  
\- How is it?  
\- It is a work that our father passed on to her before everything happened.  
\- Is Chrollo alive? Did you get the nen back?  
\- I do not know.  
\- Ask her.  
\- Kurapika, no. You promised me that you would drop revenge before we got married.  
\- I know but…  
\- Did you get married? Wow. - Killua laughed.  
\- Ah yes ... it's been a while.  
\- Nice. Cheers.

The three exchanged brief smiles before joining Alluka in the room. In the hours that followed everyone laughed out loud while having fun with a cartoon that was on TV. Killua felt that this could also be his home, along with friends and his sister.

A few weeks later Kalluto decided to appear in York Shin. Killua was startled to see his sister appear in surprise in the guest room. He did not hesitate and ran to hug her, already asking what led her there. After crying together for a few minutes and Kalluto apologizing for the rudeness since the last time they met, she said that she disowned Ryodan after seeing that they had other red eyes (She knew the story, knew who Kurapika was). She covered the spider's tattoo with a beautiful flower, that design matched more.

Kurapika and Leorio were happy to meet Kalluto and treated her as if they had known her for years. Gradually she was able to let her guard down, and she thought she finally found a normal place to belong. Would your parents be happy? Perhaps they would stay, but not because of it, but because Nanika did not show up anymore and consequently their requests were harmless. Maybe now life was finally looking a little normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, here we finish one more story. What did you think? I'd love to know what you think! feel free to speak.

**Author's Note:**

> who also cried when finished reading, please hug me ...
> 
> comments make me happy, i would love to know what you think! feel free to speak
> 
> my twitter is @illuemma, if you want to talk to me over there.


End file.
